Little Johnny Jokes We’ll Never Get Bored Of

Regardless of their murky origins, Little Johnny jokes have a special place in the landscape of humor. These jokes may not have stemmed from Shakespeare’s quill, but they’ve become a comic staple, offering jests that reflect the candid and innocent perspectives of childhood. We have a theory that these jokes originated from the very antics and thoughts of children themselves. After all, Little Johnny is a character that embodies a child’s frankness combined with a certain measure of naivety.

Here’s a look into some of the most entertaining Little Johnny jokes that promise a good laugh or at least a hearty chuckle.

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#1The Importance of Periods

Little Johnny’s English lesson one day was all about punctuation. With the subject on periods, Little Johnny curiously inquired, “Why are periods so important?” The teacher explained their significance and asked why he was interested. Little Johnny replied, “Well, when my sister said she missed a period, Dad started yelling, and Mom fainted.”

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#2Johnny’s Financial Acumen

The neighborhood’s older boys thought they could outsmart Little Johnny by offering him a nickel or a dime, teasing him because Johnny always chose the nickel. A concerned neighbor once asked him, “Don’t you realize the dime is worth more?” Johnny just smiled and said, “Of course, but if I picked the dime, the game would end. I’ve made 20 dollars so far.”

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#3Homework Policy

In class, Little Johnny raised a philosophical question, “Miss, can I get punished for something I haven’t done?” The teacher, taken aback, responded, “Why, no Johnny, that would be unjust.” Little Johnny sighed in relief, “Oh, that’s good, because I haven’t done my homework.”

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#4The Parent-Teacher Call

Following the holidays, Johnny was back to his usual shenanigans at school. Eventually, the teacher had to call Johnny’s dad due to his behavior. His dad’s retort? “I had Johnny at home for 2 months and I didn’t call you once with complaints.”

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#5The Wind and The Faces

One day at school, Johnny was caught making faces at a classmate. His teacher scolded him, reminiscing, “Johnny, when I was your age, I was told if I made an ugly face and the wind changed, it would stick that way.” Unfazed, Johnny casually replied, “Well, miss, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”

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#6Concert Ticket Caper

At a concert where Johnny sat front row, a friend questioned how he managed to score a ticket. Johnny proudly said it was from his sister. When the friend asked where his sister was, Johnny nonchalantly answered, “At home, probably looking for her ticket.”

#16 Grasping Math Concepts

Teacher: “Imagine you receive ten dollars from each of ten people. What do you end up with?”

Johnny: “A new bike.”

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#17 Understanding Islands

Teacher: “Can you describe what an island is?”

Little Johnny: “It’s a piece of land surrounded by water, except on one side.”

Teacher: “Only on one side?”

Little Johnny: “Yes, except for the top!”

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#18 The Origin of Swear Words

Disturbed by Little Johnny’s use of a swear word, the teacher exclaimed, “I never want to hear such language from you again. Where did you learn that?”

Johnny answered, “From my dad.”

The teacher replied, “He should be ashamed. That’s no reason for you to mimic him, especially if you don’t understand the word’s meaning.”

Johnny confidently responded, “But I do. It means the car won’t start.”

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#19 Jesus and His Red Pickup

A Sunday School teacher hoped her preschool students would each learn something about Jesus for the next class. The following Sunday, Little Johnny offered, “Jesus owns a red pickup truck but can’t really drive it.”

Curious, the teacher asked, “How do you know this, Johnny?”

Johnny said, “My Dad always says, ‘Jesus Christ! Why don’t you learn how to drive?'”

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#20 The Art of Asking for Water

After being sent to bed for the tenth time, Little Johnny carefully asked, “Mrs. Lambden, may I please have a glass of water?”

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#21 A Homework Dilemma

In class, the teacher inquired, “Johnny, where’s your homework?”

Johnny replied, “My dog wasn’t cooperative.”

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#22 An Exclusive Evening at School

Little Johnny excitedly tells his father, “Dad, there’s a special ‘Adults’ evening’ at school tomorrow.”

Surprised, his father asks, “Really? Special how?”

Johnny explains, “It’s just for you, the teacher, the principal, and two police officers.”

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#23 A Common School Phrase

Teacher: “What is the phrase you hear most often in schools?”

Little Johnny: “I don’t know!”

Teacher: “Precisely!”

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#24 Concerns Over Cheating

Teacher: “I hope I didn’t catch you peeking at Tommy’s exam.”

Johnny: “I hope you didn’t either.”

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#25 The Treaty’s Signature

When asked by the history teacher, “Where was the French-English peace treaty of 1800 signed?” Little Johnny cleverly responds, “On the bottom right corner.”

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#26 Question Fairness

Teacher: “If 1 + 1 = 2 and 2 + 2 = 4, what does 4 + 4 equal?”

Little Johnny: “Why do you get to solve the easy ones and leave us the hard ones?”

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#27 Plans to Move Out

One day, Little Johnny tells his parents he’s ready to live on his own. They felt proud until Johnny said, “Great, I’ve packed your bags and left them by the front door. See ya!”

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#28 The English Channel Question

Teacher: “Where is the English Channel?”

Johnny: “I’m not sure. We don’t get that channel on my TV.”

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#29 Tardiness for Learning

Teacher: “Little Johnny, you’re late again.”

Johnny: “But miss, you mentioned it’s never too late to learn.”

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#30 Naughty Logic

Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!” Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?”

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#31 Historical Humor

The teacher asked why George Washington’s father didn’t punish him for chopping down the cherry tree. Little Johnny said, “Easy. Because the ax was in George’s hands.”

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#32 Church Boredom

Little Johnny is sitting in church and getting extremely bored and restless as the preacher’s long and dull sermon drags on. Not able to take it anymore, he leans over to his dad and whispers, “Hey, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?”

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#33 Academic Warnings

Little Johnny was struggling with his school grades. One day he surprises his teacher with an announcement. He walks up to her and says, “I don’t want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don’t start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!”

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#34 Misinterpretations

During English class, the teacher asks Little Johnny “Have you ever heard of the word contagious before?” “Of course, miss,” Johnny replies, “My father actually said it when we were talking yesterday.” “Can you repeat it for the class and tell us how he used it in a sentence?” “Yes, miss. We were watching the neighbor take his garbage out when his bin tipped over spilling rubbish all over the driveway, dad said ‘it’s going to take the contagious to pick all that up.”

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#35 Magician’s Family

During parent-teacher conferences, the teachers were curious about the professions of the students’ parents. Little Johnny proudly announced that his father was a magician. Intrigued, his teacher asked about his favorite trick. Johnny replied, “He’s really good at cutting people in half. In fact, I have two half-siblings.”

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#36 Chemical Confusion

Teacher asks, “Who can tell me the chemical formula for water?” Little Johnny pipes up, “HIJKLMNO”! The teacher is puzzled, “What on Earth are you talking about, Johnny?” Little Johnny looks hurt, “But sir, you yourself said yesterday that it’s H to O!”

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#37 Age Logic

Teacher asks Little Johnny, “Johnny, how old is your father?” “He’s as old as me,” Johnny informs her. “Now how would that be possible?” inquires the surprised teacher. “Well – he became father the day I was born.”

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#38 Perfect Vision

The teacher posed a riddle to the class, “How can you put 2 holes into one?” The children didn’t know, so it became their homework. Returning without an answer, the teacher demonstrated by forming a ring with his fingers, covering his nostrils, and saying, “Here’s how: the finger ring over my nose’s 2 holes.” While the kids were amazed, Little Johnny asked, “But can you put 7 holes in one?” The teacher, puzzled, asked how. Johnny said, “Just sit on your recorder.”

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#39 Dietary Preferences

During a lesson, little Johnny yawns extremely wide. The teacher tries to make a joke: “Johnny, don’t swallow me.” He replies: “Don’t worry, teacher, I don’t eat pork.”

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#40 Ancient Architecture

Teacher: “Who can tell me where Hadrian’s Wall is?” Little Johnny: “I suspect it’s around Hadrian’s garden!”

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#41 Coincidence Explained

During an English lesson, the teacher asks, “Can anyone give me an example for the word ‘COINCIDENCE’?” Little Johnny volunteers, “Sir, my mum and dad were married on the same day.”

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#42 Little Johnny’s Quick Wit 

At school, Little Johnny was told that most adults have at least one dark secret, making them easy to blackmail with “I know the whole truth.” He tests this at home, getting $20 from his mom and $40 from his dad for his silence. When he tries it on the mailman, he’s met with a hug and “Then come give your real father a big hug!”

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#43 Science Lesson Gone Wrong 

A science teacher shows her class an experiment with two worms, one in water and the other in whiskey, to demonstrate the evils of alcohol. The worm in water lives, while the one in whiskey dies. Little Johnny concludes, “Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms!”

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#44 Johnny’s Ingenious Solution 

In church, feeling nauseous, Johnny’s told by his mom to throw up behind the bushes. He finds a quicker solution: a box marked “FOR THE SICK” at the front door, sparing him the run.

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#45 The Same Dog 

When Little Johnny’s essay on his dog mirrors his sister’s, his teacher accuses him of copying. Johnny’s defense? “It’s the same dog!”

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#46 Animal Biscuit Investigation 

After shopping, Johnny spreads animal biscuits on the table, searching for a broken seal to heed the warning on the box not to eat them if the seal is broken.

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#47 A Lesson in Counting 

Asked what comes after ten, Johnny cheekily responds, “A Jack,” showcasing his early grasp of card games over counting.

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#48 Consequences of Bug Squashing 

Johnny faces a ban on honey for killing a bee and butter for harming a butterfly. Later, witnessing his mom kill a cockroach, he teases his dad about who’ll inform her of her impending ban.

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#49 Sleeping in Class 

Johnny retorts to a teacher’s remark about sleeping in class, suggesting he could if only she were quieter.

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#50 A Different Kind of Math 

Not paying attention in math, Johnny answers a question with TV channel names instead of numbers, showing where his interests truly lie.

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#51 Sibling Rivalry 

Engaged in a typical “my dad is better than your dad” argument, Johnny concedes when Billy claims his mother is superior—a sentiment Johnny’s dad apparently shares.

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#52 Johnny’s Quick Wit 

Little Johnny: “Today, I scored 100 in school.”

Mother: “That’s fantastic! Which subject was it in?”

Little Johnny: “Actually, it was in two subjects – I received a 50 in spelling and a 50 in history.”

Mother: “Well, at least your math skills are on point!”

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#53 The Horse and Defense Joke

Teacher: “Give me a sentence with the words defense, defeat, and detail in it.”

Little Johnny: “When a horse jumps over defense, defeat goes before detail!”

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#54 Homework Problems

Teacher: “Did your parents help you with these homework problems?”

Little Johnny: “No I got them all wrong by myself!”

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#55 School Skepticism

Little Johnny: “I’m not going back to school ever again!”

Mom: “Why not?”

Little Johnny: “The teacher doesn’t know a thing, all she does is ask questions!”

Mom: “Have you ever heard of the Socratic method?”

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#56 The $20 Secret

Little Johnny asks his mother for $20. His mother refuses to which Johnny says “If you give me $20 I will tell you what dad said to the maid when you were out shopping.”

Johnny’s mother says “Ok Johnny, here is 20 dollars. Now, what did your father say to the maid?”

Johnny replies “Hey Doris, can you make sure that I have a clean shirt for tomorrow.”

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#57 Writing vs. Spelling

The teacher says, “I’m glad to see your writing has improved.”

Little Johnny grins and replies, “Thank you!”

Frowning, the teacher adds, “However, now I can see how bad your spelling is!”

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#58 Santa’s Reply

Little Johnny wrote: “Dear Santa, please send me a baby brother!”

Santa wrote back: “Send me your mother …”

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#59 The Tampon Ad

I asked little Johnny, “What would you like for your birthday?”

He said, “Tampons please.”

I said, “Tampons!? Why do you want tampons for your birthday!?”

He replied, “I saw a great TV ad. With a tampon you can go swimming, biking and skiing.”

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#60 The Note from Father

Teacher: “This note from your father looks like your handwriting?”

Little Johnny: “Well, yes, he borrowed my pen!”

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#61 The Mystery of Socks

Daisy: “Why do you have two different colored socks on? One’s blue, but the other is green.”

Little Johnny: “I’m not sure. It’s weird. There was another pair exactly like this one at home.”

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#62 Handwriting Practice

The teacher says, “Johnny, I told you to write this poem out 10 times to improve your handwriting, and you’ve only done it 7 times.”

Little Johnny replies, “Well, ma’am, I guess my counting isn’t too good, either!”

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#63 Future Plans

The teacher asks, “What are you going to be when you get out of school?”

Little Johnny thinks for a moment and says, “An old man!”

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#64 Cows in the Meadow

The class was told to paint a picture of cows grazing in a meadow.

Soon, Little Johnny lifts a hand that he’s finished and shows the teacher a blank sheet of paper.

“But Johnny, you didn’t paint anything on it?” says the teacher.

“Well, the cows have eaten all the grass and since there was no grass left, they just went away.”

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#65 The Keyhole Discovery

Little Johnny peeks through the keyhole of his parents’ bedroom one night. He stares for a minute and then, thoroughly disgusted, shakes his head, “And these people tell me I shouldn’t pick my nose?!”

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#66 The Smoke Detector

Little Johnny’s preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: “Does anyone know what this is?”

Little Johnny’s hand shot up and the firefighter called on him.

Little Johnny replied: “That’s how Mommy knows supper is ready!”

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#67 English Class Correction

Miss Taylor the English teacher writes an incorrect sentence on the board: “I didn’t had no fun for months.” Then she faces the class and says, “OK class, how should this be corrected?”

Little Johnny says, “I think you should get yourself a better man!”

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#68 The Boston Tea Party

Teacher: “What did they do at the Boston Tea Party?”

Little Johnny: “I don’t know, I wasn’t invited!”

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#69 Prayer for Dinner

Little Johnny’s family is sitting at the dinner table.

Father, “Can you please pray for dinner!”

Little Johnny, “Dear God. Please, please send clothes for all those poor ladies on Dad’s computer.

Amen!”

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#70 The Uninterested Teacher

Teacher: “Does anybody know what we call a person who keeps talking when nobody else is interested?”

Little Johnny: “A teacher, miss.”

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#71 The Alphabet Lesson

Teacher: “Johnny, I want you to say a sentence that begins with the letter i”

Little Johnny: “I is…”

Teacher interrupts: “No Johnny, always say ‘I am’.”

Little Johnny: “Ok Miss… I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

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#72 Grandpa’s Croak

Little Johnny asked his grandpa to croak like a frog. He did it and asked why Johnny wanted to hear him croak. Johnny said, “Mommy said that we’ll be loaded when you croak.”

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#73 Bike vs. Forgiveness

Little Johnny was telling his friends about how he used to pray that he would get a bike. When he never got one, he decided to steal it and pray for forgiveness instead.

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#74 Praying in Class

Teacher: “Why are you praying in class little Johnny?”

Little Johnny: “My mom taught me to always pray before going to sleep.”

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#75 The Reposted Father

Teacher: “Tell us, Johnny, where is your father staying on business?”

Johnny: “In Vishakhapatnam.”

Teacher: “How interesting. And now tell us all how it is spelled.”

Johnny: “Oh, I just remembered he got reposted to Goa.”

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#76 Johnny’s Rabbit Math

Teacher: “If I give you three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you have?”

Little Johnny: “Nine.”

Teacher: “That’s not right, you’d have eight.”

Little Johnny: “No, Teacher, I’d have nine. I already have one rabbit at home!”

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#77 The Missing Report Card

Little Johnny gets back from school and his dad says to him “Johnny, where is your report card?”

Johnny replies “Sorry dad, I don’t have it”. His father is furious and says “Why not?”

Johnny replies “I lent it to my friend, he wanted to scare his parents.”

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#78 Homework Distance

The teacher asked, “How far have you gotten with your homework, Johnny?”

Little Johnny replied, “About 8 kilometers, ma’am. I went home with it and came back with it this morning.”

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#79 The Healthiest Report

“And, Johnny? How did your school report turn out?” asks the mother. “Come on mom, the most important thing is that I’m healthy!”

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#80 The Soccer Match

Little Johnny to his mom: “I shot 4 goals at the soccer match today!”

Mom: “Wonderful, looks like your team won, right?”

Little Johnny: “Not really, we played 2:2.” But he still managed to score 4 times, which is more than all the others combined

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#81 Heaven’s Entry Requirements

A pastor was chatting with some children about ‘being good’ and going to Heaven. When he was done, he asked the kids, “Where do you want to go?” “Heaven!” cried Little Suzie. “And what do you have to be to go there?” ‘Dead!’ cried Little Johnny.

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#82 Johnny’s Logic on Big Hands

Teacher: “If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?”

Little Johnny: “Big hands!”

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#83 The Snowy Test Day

Teacher: “Great news, we have a test today, come rain or shine.”

Little Johnny smiles.

Teacher: “So what’s so funny about it?”

Little Johnny: “It’s snowing!”

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#84 The Loan That Wasn’t

Little Johnny is being questioned by the teacher during a math lesson.“If you had ten dollars,” asks the teacher, “and I asked you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would you have left?”“Ten,” answers Little Johnny.“Ten?” the teacher asks. “How do you get ten?”Johnny replies, “That’s because you may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to get it!”

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#85 Hitting the Bottle

Little Johnny’s mother was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle, the phone rang so she asked four-year-old Johnny to answer the phone. Little Johnny ran out into the living room and answered the phone. “Mommy, it’s the minister,” he said to his mother. From the kitchen, Johnny’s mom said, “Tell him I’ll call him back.” Little Johnny spoke into the phone saying, “Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”

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#86 The Babysitter Dilemma

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.Little Johnny replied: “They couldn’t get a babysitter.”

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#87 Modern Fairy Tales

Little Johnny asks his mum, “Mum, do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time in a faraway land’?”“No darling,” says his mother, somewhat distressed, “Sometimes, they can begin with ‘I’ve got too much work in the office tonight, I’ll come home later.” But the original fairy tales always end with bloodshed.

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#88 The Toilet Brush Gift

Little Johnny once bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her birthday. But when he went to visit her a few weeks later, there wasn’t a sign of it in the bathroom. Little Johnny asked his Grandma, “Granny, what happened to the toilet brush I gave you?”“Darling, I really didn’t like it. After all those years, I’ve gotten used to the toilet paper, and this new thing was just far too scratchy.”

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#89 The End of the Line

Teacher: “I told you to stand at the end of the line?”Little Johnny: “I tried, but there was someone already there!”

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#90 Playing Cards Not Passing Notes

Teacher: “Would you at the back of the room stop passing notes!”Little Johnny: “We’re not passing notes. We’re playing cards!”

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#91 Who Discovered America?

Teacher: “Fred can you find me America on the map please?”Fred: “There it is!”Teacher: “Now, Johnny, who discovered America?”Little Johnny: “Fred did!”

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#92 A Misunderstanding About Alaska

Teacher: “Where does your mother come from?”Little Johnny: “Alaska!”Teacher: “Don’t worry, I’ll ask her myself!”

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#93 The Moon or Australia?

Teacher: “What is further away, Australia or the Moon?”Little Johnny: “Australia, you can see the Moon at night!”

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#94 Two Holes in One

The teacher posed a riddle to the class, “How can you put 2 holes into one?” The children didn’t know, so it became their homework. Returning without an answer, the teacher demonstrated by forming a ring with his fingers, covering his nostrils, and saying, “Here’s how: the finger ring over my nose’s 2 holes.” While the kids were amazed, Little Johnny asked, “But can you put 7 holes in one?” The teacher, puzzled, asked how. Johnny said, “Just sit on your recorder.”

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#95 The Broken Vase

Little Johnny says: “Mom, you know that lovely vase in the dining room that’s been handed down from generation to generation?” Mom replies: “Yes. What about it?” He says: “Well, the last generation just dropped it.”

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#96 Sunday School Silence

After Sunday school, the teacher released the kids to go to church and reminded them, “You all know to be very nice and quiet in the church. And why is that?”Little Johnny offers, “Miss, it’s so we wouldn’t wake all those people sleeping.”

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#97 The Only Answer

One day Jimmy got home early from school. His elder sister asked, “Why are you home so early?” He answered, “Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class.” She said, “Wow, my brother is a genius. What was the question?” Jimmy replied, “The question was ‘Who threw the trash can at the principal’s head?’”

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#98 Poetic Roll Call

Every morning, a third-grade teacher would call roll, prompting her students to respond with a short poem. The first student, a boy sitting in the front row and known as the teacher’s pet, stood up confidently. “My name is Dan, and when I grow up, I aim to visit Japan, if possible, and I believe it is.”

The next student, a little girl positioned in the middle of the room, rose to her feet and said, “My name is Suzy, and as I grow, I dream of having a baby… if possible, and I believe it is.”

Then it was Little Johnny’s turn, the clever boy seated at the back of the room. Standing up, he declared, “My name is Johnny, and Japan doesn’t interest me, but I’d be happy to assist Suzy with her dream, if possible… and I believe it is!”

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#99 The Egg Question

Teacher: “Suppose I place one egg here and another there, how many eggs will that make?”

Little Johnny, full of confidence, answers, “None!”

The teacher, intrigued, asks, “And why is that?”

Little Johnny explains, “Because you’re not capable of laying eggs!”

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#100 The Cold Cream Incident

Little Johnny observes his mom applying cold cream to her face and inquires, “Why are you putting that cream on your face, Mom?”

She answers, “To make myself beautiful, Johnny.”

A few moments later, she begins to wipe the cream off with a tissue. Johnny asks, “What’s the problem? Are you giving up?”

Why was Little Johnny in tears? He applied some of his mom’s cream to his face, only to read on the label afterward that it could make you look 10 years younger.

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#101 A Picnic to Remember

Teacher: “How did you spend your long weekend?”

Little Johnny: “We planned a picnic at Samson hill, but dad forgot to pack the picnic basket. Seeing this, my mom placed her hand on her hip and started tapping her foot. In no time, my dad was sprinting down to the bottom of the hill.”

Teacher: “He ran away?”

Little Johnny: “Not exactly. Picture, if you will, an armadillo curling into a ball and rolling down a 30% incline.”